


loud (desperate to be heard)

by Eirian14



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ANGST FOR THE ANGST GODS, Angry TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Based on Tommy's latest stream so beware, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Death, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Lore (Video Blogging RPF), Fighting, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I guess you wanted pain and angst too, Injury, Murder, Pain, Pandora's Vault Prison, Prison, SUFFER WITH ME, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Scared TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Tags Are Fun, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unhappy Ending, Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), he literally dies, im crying in de club, same lol, tommy decided to rip our hearts out and then just 'end stream'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29792427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirian14/pseuds/Eirian14
Summary: SPOILERS FOR TOMMY'S LATEST STREAM 3/1"Tommy feels powerful again. He feels alive.Wilbur taught him how to fight with his words, without weapons, without armor. He wonders if his big brother is proud. If he’s watching him, somehow. For another beautiful moment, it feels like he’s in L’Manberg again. It’s almost exciting, feeling like his old self. He’s missed this. For once, no one can call him loud, because it’s so obvious he’s desperate to be heard."OrTommy dies.
Relationships: Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 275
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	loud (desperate to be heard)

**Author's Note:**

> guess we're all crying in the club
> 
> angst for the angst gods, but sad :( 
> 
> TW: Fighting, swearing, PTSD, reference to suicidal thoughts, blood, literal murder, death, like actual death and someone kills someone else and it is violent so please be careful <3

* * *

Tommy doesn’t know why he killed the cat.

Being in prison with that _fucking demon_ was vile, horrific, traumatizing, worse in a million different ways than exile. The walls were far too small and dragging in on him and reminded him of every other dark room he’d ever danced with death in. The hollow underground filled with red strings tied to everyone and everything, Dream holding them like leashes, where he thought he’d watch his best friend die. The blackstone throne made by the dictator with the horns where he watched that best friend get boxed up and shot in a cacophony of shimmering colors. The deep ravine full of sputtering lanterns where darkness clung to him and where he watched his brother lose his mind. The space full of chests where his ally with the glowing eyes turned his back as the rest of the soldiers were skewered with swords that came creeping out of the walls. The cell was all of those wretched places but up close, and he couldn’t run, couldn’t hide from the man in the green hoodie across from him.

Though, if he’s being honest, he thought it’d be worse. He thought he’d be broken by now. He thought he would’ve lost his mind.

_~~Maybe he already had and he just hadn’t noticed.~~_

And then Sam comes, and everything is going to be okay all of a sudden. Through the thick wall of magma, Tommy can taste the fresh breeze of a world he had just decided he wants to live in again. It’s no longer that same wall of fire that he wanted to run towards every day since being locked in because he couldn’t stand it and wanted it all to be over and he knew he couldn’t last long in here with _him_. It’s not that wall where he wanted to feel free just one more time, even if it felt like burning alive. It’s a door. He’s so ready and he’s never coming back. He can already feel Sam’s warm arms wrapping around him and he’s so ready to _cry_ again because he’s been holding in so many emotions while he puts on a cocky front for his cellmate, trying to hold the splinters of himself together. He stands close, too close to the lava, shouting at Sam to let him through as fresh food drops from the dispensers.

And then Sam tells him he can’t. The sky that he can’t see through layers and layers of obsidian breaks open; the sun is too hot, and all of his feathers are melted. His heart plummets as he sinks to the floor, terror like ice making his arms tremble. He cries for Sam over and over again until Sam stops his painfully formal apologies and leaves and Tommy’s left alone. He turns around and nearly steps into Dream, who is hovering behind him _close too close he makes the room feel smaller and he can’t breathe—_

The green hoodie shifts around Dream’s shoulders as he goes on about how they get to spend more time together. Logically, Tommy knows he can still get out of the prison at some point. He can’t stay in here forever. But it feels like he’s been sentenced to death; maybe he’s already dying. There was never any air in here anyway. Purple tears glitter from the crying obsidian as they drop to the floor. It’s not really a cell anymore. _At least I get a fancy coffin._

Dream says something, and he wants to break every bone in his body.

But Tommy doesn’t think he was so far gone that he’d kill the cat. He doesn’t even know why he does it. He’s bickering with Dream, and the words are twisting in the air and sizzling into the lava. Something is burning hot, and it’s not the heat leaking from the only way out. Dream calls him annoying and then he switches to that honey-sweet tone and something in Tommy snaps. So he asks Dream if he liked the cat. If he loved it. Because Dream tried to take away everything Tommy loved, and the least he can do is repay the favor if he’s forced to relive every moment of agony that the bastard put him through.

When Dream says yes, he does love it, it’s the best thing that’s happened to them, Tommy feels a grin stretch his face. He wonders if his own countenance looks like that _fucking_ mask that doesn’t leave his mind. Dream is tilting his head at Tommy and his shoulders are tense and for a minute he looks scared and Tommy loves it and _~~he hates the person he is around Dream he hates who he is around Dream~~_ he doesn’t want to lose that power so he grabs the cat and he snaps its neck.

It's awful. It dies with a sharp yelp, and then its body goes limp. It’s really soft. He stares at the cat. Nausea makes the walls sway. What the fuck? Why would he do that? How could he do that? He... he wouldn't. He’d never. Dream made him do it. He would never do something like this. This was Dream’s fault, like everything else. The horror lingers.

Tommy drops the corpse to the ground in shock, and Dream takes a step back. The man is trembling, with rage or fear but he couldn’t tell which, and Tommy feels sickeningly like he’s won something for once. He mocks the way Dream’s fists clench up as he stares at the bundle of fur on the floor, because Dream did the same exact thing to him when Tommy would shudder as he stared at a hole in a land oceans away where armor used to be. There’s a part of him that’s begging himself to stop, to quit this, because he’s becoming someone he doesn’t like again, but he doesn’t. Power is addictive, even if you can only grasp it for a second. The smile feels like knives cutting into his cheeks as he says _that’s what happens when you love something, bitch._

Similar words were uttered by the man across from him in that chamber at the bottom of the world full of attachments and puppet strings. Something has snapped and its jagged edges are too sharp for Tommy to try and fix, so he lets them break some more.

He keeps talking and he doesn’t really know what he’s saying. The upstart kid who died in the final control room is somewhere in his voice as he gloats that _when I leave you’ll have nothing and you’ll be alone_. He’s so scared of who he is right now and it’s worse than any arrow through his heart or any sword through cracking through his chest.

Then the mask is pushed to the side, and poison eyes tell him that revenge will come for everyone Tommy loves because Dream is going to get out. Those irises were ominous. They whispered rumors of accidents in the dark. Suddenly, that roar in his heart stutters. The fear in his voice is vivid as he asks him if Dream will really kill anyone.

Hot sparks jump from the lava, hissing on the floor. For some reason, he thinks about the fact that there are no books left in the chest anymore. All he hears is _Dream telling him Tubbo’s going to die all over again and he feels so powerless_ _because if he loses Tubbo then everything has been for nothing at all. Dream telling him that he’s going to get out and he’s got a favor ready to cash in; thinking about Dream loose on the server again is earthshattering. Dream telling him that he’ll get his revenge, one way or another._ The words are brutal, ugly, twisted, but there’s still that golden honey caress in them that he knows is manipulation. Quite frankly, Tommy can’t bring himself to care. He’s done feeling scared and spitfire rolls through his vocal chords.

He hasn’t felt this alive since the first revolution. He hasn’t felt this brave since then, either.

  
  
The tears he was planning on saving for Sam come rushing to his eyes, but he doesn’t sob as they fall. They are rain fleeing from the crack of thunder, of lightning. He’s going to leave here. Dream is not. He tells the demon that he deserves to die. The only reason they’ve kept him alive in this putrid box full of hate is because he’s going to bring back Wilbur and Tommy will get his family again. Dream’s only point left for living is the book he carries in his enderchest, and Tommy yells as much at him.

And then the words hiss out from under the mask. _Dream is never going to use the Revive book to help Tommy. He’s never giving it to him._

Say it again, Tommy bites out. Dream does.

_He’s never going to see Wilbur again, just when Tommy had forgiven his brother and he’ll never be able to use it if Tubbo loses his last life or if Phil loses his only one._

He laughs.

This isn’t worse than exile. Because he believed for every minute in exile that Dream had all the power, and he doesn’t. He doesn’t have the power to crush spirits and make Tommy’s eyes hungrily wander towards cliffs and long drops in the nether. TommyInnit is not a puppet anymore. There’s a sad pause in his broken laugh, and the speedrunner’s hand grips the edge of their cauldron. A sad realization that there was never really any hope to see Wil again. The pain turns into a fire, just like it did in L’manberg, when everyone was still there. It doesn’t weigh him down. His anger is hotter than any lava as he spits at Dream, because the masked figure across from him is a _liar, the Revive book was never fucking real._

Dream argues, and his words are bitter, filled with incredulity. Tommy calls him a _liar liar liar,_ really, it’s all he’s ever been. Dream can’t do _shit_ to Tommy, to anyone. All the pent up emotion swirling in the cell has narrowed to this; the lightning in him dances in his veins. Even if he has nothing on Dream, even if the masked man is “ _a god, and you can’t kill gods,”_ Tommy feels powerful again. He feels alive.

Wilbur taught him how to fight with his words, without weapons, without armor. He wonders if his big brother is proud, if he’s watching him, somehow. For another beautiful moment, it feels like he’s in L’Manberg all over again. It’s almost exciting, feeling like his old self; he’s missed this. For once, no one can call him _loud,_ because it’s so obvious he’s desperate to be heard.

He reasons that there was no way in _hell_ Schlatt could’ve given Dream a book like that. Schlatt had no real power, he hardly had the _time_ to acquire something like that. Dream didn’t have that power, and it was some sorry excuse he made to save his own skin when Tommy had a sword leveled to his throat all those weeks ago, primed to take his final life.

  
  
Tommy says he could kill Dream, if he really wanted to. And his abuser is right when he snarls a response: Tommy won’t kill him. Because if he’s become too much like Dream in everything else, he’s not a true murderer. He’d never send someone into complete and utter oblivion the way Dream tried to do to Tubbo, the way he succeeded in doing to Wilbur by encouraging his spiral.

Then they’re hitting each other; his opponent’s fists _really_ _hurt_ ( _maybe he’s a little bit scared, but for once it doesn’t matter)_ and his own blows are hardly doing anything. But it feels good, because each hit accentuates his verbal attack. He doesn’t care if he’s right in the matter, because his words provoking this reaction, this violence in Dream proves that he’s won, just a little bit. He’s so tired of losing. So no matter what Dream says now, Tommy knows that all he does is _lie_.

Dream grabs his arm and it’s definitely broken; he doesn’t cry out. Tommy’s smile feels less _wrong_ now as his blue gaze latches onto green. He’s going to get out, and tells the man as much. Dream has nothing on him anymore. Bruises bloom like dark flowers on his pale skin, which looks strange in the warped light of the lava.

He tells Dream that he’s seen Schlatt’s grave. Sclatt’s _fucking dead._ Dream didn’t revive him, and Schlatt never had the power to bring people back to life, or else he wouldn’t be six feet under. The corpse is there.

Then a brutal hand grabs Tommy’s hair, in a grip so tight his eyes water. He’s scared again; he knows what’s about to happen just as the words leave Dream’s mouth.

“ _Why don’t you go see him_ now?”

A fist swings into his head, and then his hair is pulled and his skull is slammed into the obsidian wall. The world flickers like a broken lightbulb.

_Slam. Slam. Slam._ Tommy’s proud of himself, for once. It’s fucking insane, the thoughts that cross your mind when your blood is about to burst like a firework against the unbreakable wall. The determination, the fire that he had to tell Dream off never leaves, not even as he’s being beaten to death. It’s time. Too many bones are broken but his last breath is spent telling Dream how much of a fucking monster he is because if Tommy can’t go out with a bang he’ll go out full of spite.

It’s not like they tell you it is. Tommy feels every second of it. He hears the crack of his skull colliding with the dark rock for the last time, feels the blood splash from the wound behind him. The agony is unbearable, but it’s slipping away fast as his vision dims. Dream is panting, and he looks really freaked out, mask askew, and fear swirls into panic. There’s nowhere nice to rest his gaze a final time on, so Tommy just closes his eyes. He’s terrified.

Gravity itself becomes less adamant. He wishes he didn’t have to go, wishes he got to live because he’d finally gotten past wanting to die. He wishes he got to listen to all his discs again. He wishes he’d apologized to Techno, to Phil. He wishes he gave Sam a hug before entering the cell. He wishes he got to see Tubbo one more time. He wishes he didn’t have to die so far away from the beautiful blue sky and the liberty of the rolling breeze.

Tommy wishes he wasn’t alone, because he can’t stand being by himself. It’s okay, though. There are some places no one can go with us, and this just happens to be the final, most important one of all.

The measureless oceans of space are warm and welcoming. He went out fighting. It’s okay. He thinks he hears Wilbur’s voice.

Tommy wishes he got to say goodbye. But he didn’t, so he just lets go.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I went back and rewatched the ~scene~ to try to get the sequence of everything and some lines for the fic. Some lines are literal verbatim quotes, and others summaries. If anything seems kinda rushed or out of nowhere, I was literally following Tommy's speedy jumps from point to point that had no clear order and he was yelling a whole lot D: so bear with me :D
> 
> I wrote this in one sitting so if there are typos... uh... u didn't see 'em. <3
> 
> I'm still emotionally wrecked over all this so don't forget go sleep and hydrate!
> 
> Hehe leave comments below on what u thought <3


End file.
